Did Someone Say 'Index File'?

"Graham Woodland" wrote in message...
> David S. Rubin wrote
>
> >Let's make it official:
> >I, David S. Rubin, hereby nominate "Party Favors"
> >under the category of: Greatest Recursive Fic.
>
> I should be hard put to quarrel with that. "W!NAftP?"
> was pretty damn good too, but I'll be surprised if
> even Imran can come up with anything quite as
> comprehensively recursive as "Party Favours" any
> time soon... I'll second that nomination!

Was that a challenge? :)

--

'Hey!'

'Oh, hi, Allie.'

'What the Hades do you think you're doing?!'

'Trying to write a comprehensively recursive story about Adrics 2000 that'll get nominated for the Adric Awards 2001.'

'Imran. I have only one thing to say to that. "Castrovalva".'

< shudders >

'C'mon, your brain breaks whenever it tries to work out how to set the VCR, for Calliope's sake!'

'Don't remind me... Hold on, that does remind me of something. Didn't you phone Nyssaias and Embericles some time back?'

'Well, they are my fellow Muses... < mutters under breath >... and they passed the exams? Shoot me now...'

'And I seem to remember someone - two someones - chanting my name during the Adric awards...'

'Ah-heh...'

< buries head in hands > 'You offered them starring roles in my fics, didn't you?'

'Hey, you needed someone to cheer you on... and besides, it's not like Willis actually pays them...'

'You're my Muse! That's supposed to be your job!'

'Is it my fault there was another Clive May fic on?'

'Oh dear God...'

'Well, at least "Party Favors" killed that idea stone dead...'

'What idea?'

'Umm...'

'What idea, Allie?!'

'Umm... the one where the cast of Fantasy Island, your Badlands sequence and the Dragon Lines crew meet up to discuss Adrics 2000.'

< takes deep breath > 'ARE YOU INSANE?!!?!!?'

'Well...'

'No, don't tell me... Brilliant. You try to work out a few of your personal kinks, and your Muse picks them up instead...'

'Is that another Sailor Moon crack?'

'I'm not the one with the complete Japanese SM on video. Or the complete manga collection.'

'Oh? And is this a good time to mention the Ryoko poster over your bed?'

'Could be worse. Could be Spike.'

< winces > 'Don't remind me...'

< shudders > 'Ooh yeah. Mistress Helen and Mags on the rampage. Not pretty. Not pretty...'

< sighs > 'Why it couldn't be Angel...'

'Mm. Yeah. Hmm...'

'Oh no. Oh no. No way are you doing an Angel/Who fic.'

'I thought you were supposed to be my creative inspiration?'

'Yeah. But when you go there...'

< looks around > < lowers voice > 'Paul McGann. David Boraneaz. Half-naked. Brooding. With lots of ice cream.'

'You bastard.'

< shrugs > 'Might I remind you that since we're both nominally hetero...'

'Shh! No-one needs to know that!'

< peers at Allie > 'You've got a crush on Mamoru Chiba, haven't you?'

'So what? At least he looks good in a tuxedo...'

'Brilliant. My Muse is a Tuxedo Kamen fangirl...'

'Oh? And what about that Skuld thing?'

'I. Am. Not. A. Skuld. Otaku. We're friends. Got that?'

'Or the Izzy thing?'

'So? Gordon Dempster has an Izzy thing too, you know...'

'Mm-hmm. Riiiiiigggghhhhhht....'

'Okay, so it's not quite- Hey! You know what'd work for this story?'

'No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me...'

'Why not have my cast of characters comment on the Adrics and on the recursive fics?'

< looks at story > 'Umm... Imran?'

'It'd be great! Really self-referential and post-modern and breaking the fourth wall and menky and...'

'Umm... Imran?'

'Yeah?'

< looks at reader > 'Do you wanna tell him, or shall I?'

'Tell me what?'

< looks innocent > 'Nothing.'

< stares at Allie > 'Riiiiigggghhhht.... Hmm. Pterodactyl, pterodactyl... Oh, must talk to Mistress Helen... Would Spike be interested in a cameo? Wonder if Brad would mind if Number One did... Or Ember and Francois did... Ooh, and the psychotic Sister, too. Ooh, the Serpent's Champion has to do that...'

< sighs > 'Authors. Can't live with them, can't live without them.'

'Allie? Four words. Angel video boxed set.'

'You bastard.'

'Hey, maybe I should....'

'No. No! It's times like this I really wish I could go on strike...'

'Benjamin Elliott already did that, Allie. Besides, you're on work experience.'

'Don't remind me...'

'Hmm... Varne. Maybe, maybe...;

< rolls eyes > 'Why me? Why me?'

'Heh. Well, it's not gonna be comprehensively recursive, but it's gonna be the first fic about the fics about the Adrics, that's for sure...'

< looks at reader again > 'You tell him. I want nothing to do with this. Geez. One little fic about writing a fic about the fics about the Adrics, and he thinks he's Chris Bidmead...'

'Jac Rayner, actually...'

'Oh God. He's a transvestite, now...'

'This from a Muse wearing a fanservice sailor fuku.'

'That was Alryssa's fault. And Theta-G's...'

'Uh-huh. So it was their fault you rushed out and bought 20 copies when you saw the Sailor Gallifrey picture...'

'I'm only the creative inspiration. Whatever you do with it is your fault...'

'Uh-huh. Work experience. Performance review coming up this quarter. Gold star for outstanding work going down drain. Possibility of becoming a full Muse this year up creek without paddle.'

'Ah-heh... Ehhmm...So, why don't we start off by having the pterodactyl come wheeling in on a unicycle?'

'Don't push it, Allie...'

'Hey!'

--

End. :)

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Copyright 2001 Imran Inayat